‘Danzo’s Secret’ Parts 1 and 2!

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(Warning: I would just like to say that both skits contain adult humor and bad language so don’t read if you’re not comfortable with that. You’ve been warned!  🙂 )

Danzo’s Secret: Part 1 – Written & Edited by:  Supertrek89 & Ix ReFleX xI

Some of you awesomeness commenters may recognize this part. That’s because this one has already appeared on the blog, in the comments section for the chapter 437 breakdown. For this post, we kept the general idea the same, and only made a few minor changes to it. For those who don’t remember it, this skit is basically just an answer to the current question: What have Danzo and ‘Root’ been up to lately?? … with a humorous edge of course 😀 . Anyways, the scene for this skit takes place in Danzo’s hidden lair, shortly after Naruto turns into the 6-tails. Enjoy!!

*Note – It is implied that Danzo just found out about Naruto and the 6-Tails.*

______________________

Danzo: *Thinking – Goddammit…the 6-tailed Kyubi is loose now!! That brat wasn’t even supposed to be in the village!!!*

“Alright Root, change of plans”

Root Member 1: “Are we going to lift all our shirts up again and f-”

Danzo: “No no no! Get you’re head out of the gutter and listen dammit! There’s no time for that now!! We need to-”

Root Member 2: “How about we turn off all the lights and play Marco-Polo naked in the dark again!”

Danzo: “No…someone fell over the railing and died last time doing that, now listen-”

Root Member 3: “Oh I know!! With the village in disarray like this we can go around looking for pale and emotionless stray boys that just happen to draw!”

*ANBU Root members let up a loud cheer in agreement*

Danzo: “OH, F**K ME SILLY!!!”

Root Member 1 : “Ok!”

Danzo: *sigh* “… This is utterly hopeless… If anybody needs me I’m turning over a new leaf and sacrificing myself to the Kyubi to appease his appetite and in the process suppress his chakra. Thus making me, in a surprise twist of fate, the hero of Konoha…any disagreements?”

*Root members are too busy unzipping their pants to hear*

Danzo: “I hate you all…”

*Danzo begins to leave*

Root Member 2: “Danzo! Where are you going?”

Danzo: “… I already told you dammit! Why don’t you listen to me?”

Root Members 2 & 3: “Sorry Danzo. We were just getting ready to…”

Danzo: “I know what you were getting ready to do your zippers are still down! Now shut the hell up!”

Root Member 1: “… But you never told us where you were going.”

Danzo: “I’m going to sacrifice myself to the damn Kyubi. You got a f***ing problem with that?”

Root Member 1: “… No. Can we go?”

Root Member 3: “Yeah can we go?”

Root Member 2: “Yeah I wanna go too…pleaasseeee?”

Danzo: “NO!! None of you are going so stop f**king asking!!! Seriously… stop riding me!”

Root Member 1: “But you normally like it when we ride your-”

Danzo: “GRRRR!! Shut the hell up goddamnit!!!”
*Thinking – Why the hell did I hire these guys?*

Root Member 3: “So… can we go or not?!?”

Danzo: “…. sure…HEY how about this…You guys go on up there and sacrifice yourselves… and I’ll meet you there when I get ready!!!”

Root Member 1 2 & 3 “OK…LETS GO!!”

*Root members leave the room*

Danzo: *Thinking – Thank you sweet Jesus!”*

______________________

Danzo’s Secret: Part 2 – Written by: Ix ReFleX xI, Edited by: Supertrek89

Part 1 was somewhat of a hit in the comments section and people seemed to enjoy it so we decided to add on to it.. Part 2 takes place a few minutes after the first in Danzo’s hidden Lair, shortly after Naruto is trapped in “Chibaku Tensei”

______________________

*Root members re-enter Danzo’s room to hear a strange sound*

*FAP* *FAP* *FAP* FAP* FAP*

Distant Voice: “Oh Sai…let me lend you some of my ink you dirty belly shirt wearing ninja boy…”

Root Member 1: “Uh…Danzo…”

*Danzo jumps around looking like a deer caught in headlights*

Danzo: “What the f-. Weren’t you guys going to sacrifice yourselves to the Kyubi?”

Root Member 1: “We were but… it’s not there any more!!!”

Danzo: *ZIP* “Oh for Christ’s sake…are you sure?”

Root Member 2: “Yeah. It wasn’t there… honest!!!”

Danzo: “… Well then… what did you see???”

Root Member 2: “Uhh… There was this giant ball floating in mid-air. Just like in my drea-”

Danzo: “I told you to get you mind out of the gutter!!! What is with you guys and balls!?!?! SHIT!!!!”

Root Member 3: “No… really!! There was a giant ball floating in mid-air. It looked like it was made of earth!!!”

Danzo: “… Oh… really!?!? Where was it???”

Root Member 3: “It was floating over the woods outside the village!!”

Danzo: “Outside the village you say?? Well then, it’s none of my concern. Did you see anything else??”

Root Member 1: “No… well.. We did see Tsunade. She looked like she was almost out of chakra.. but I couldn’t really see that well.”

Danzo: “REALLY!!?! Was there anyone with her!!!!”

Root Member 1: “No…not really…just the pink-haired student of hers… Sakura, one of Jiraiya’s toads, some random Hyuga, and an ANBU.”

Danzo: “Were they watching Tsunade!?!?”

Root Member 2: “No…they were focused on the giant ball in the sky…just like us…”

Danzo: “Well if they weren’t watching her, then why didn’t you kill her…or come tell me or something!!!!! You know I’ve been trying to become Hokage you f**king morons!!!!”

Root Member 3: “But Danzo…you said we were changing our plans since that Naruto kid showed up!!!!”

Danzo: “That’s not what I meant you f**king dumbasses!!!! GODDAMNIT!!!!!!!”

*Long Pause*

Root Member 2: “D…D..Danzo…are…are you mad at us???”

Danzo: “MAD!!?! MAD??!!!? OF COURSE IM F**KING MAD!!!! YOU GUYS ARE F**KING IDIOTS!!!!!! HORNY F**KING IDIOTS”

*Another Long Pause*

Root Member 1: “We…we’re sorry Danzo. Is there anything we can do to make up for it??”

Danzo: “NO!!! No there’s nothing you can do to ‘make up for it’. You’re a bunch of f**king horny idiots, and you’re lucky I don’t kill you now!!!!”

Root Member 3: “…What if we put on our bibs and call you daddy?”

Danzo: “NO!!! NOTHING YOU COULD EVER DO WOULD MAKE UP FOR THIS!!…NOTHING!!!!!”

Root Member 3: “But Danzo…that always used to work. Why can’t we just do it now!!”

Danzo: *Rubs forehead in frustration*
“What did you not understand about NOTHING!!!! Now just get the f**k away and leave me alone!!!!!”

*’Root’ Members hang their heads, and walk away slowly*

Root Member 1: *Pauses and turns around* “We brought Sai with us this time….”

Danzo: “Huh? … SAI?!? OH BOY!!!” *frantically looks around* “… Where?”

Root Member 1: “Oh, never mind… Just checking on how firm you were with the ‘there’s NOTHING we could do’ policy.”
*Root members start to leave again*

Danzo: *Screams after them* “Get the f**k out and don’t come back anytime soon you worthless pieces of shit!!!!”
*Thinking – I have got to get rid of them!!*

~ FIN ~ 😀

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~ by supertrek89 on April 13, 2009.

37 Responses to “‘Danzo’s Secret’ Parts 1 and 2!”

  1. first?

  2. NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICE

  3. 3RD HOKAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  4. Not so bad 3rd…

  5. 3rd!

  6. damn 4th

  7. MAIN PAGE COMING SOON!!!!!

  8. (hopefully)

  9. Awesome…it looks like danny the tourettes guy has been reincarnated into Danzo!!!

  10. 😄 I remember when you guys showed me this the first time!

    awesomeness

  11. @Super & flex: LMAO. When i saw that it was written by you two, i knew we’d be in store for some weird sh*t and you;s didn’t disappoint.

  12. @ mud – whats that s’posed to mean??? i oughtsta kill yo lil azz boi!!!!! lol j/k… and thnx 😀

  13. @flex – it wasn’t meant to be implied as a derogatory comment, i simply mean that it would be funny but weird funny

  14. jk. just clearing that up 4 super. jk

  15. are you guys thinking of doing any other stories? eg i wouldn’t mind seeing a funny story bout ino and sai or something (think of the jokes you could make about those 2)

  16. @supertrek & reflex: Is this what you guys where talking about in the chat room? What you guys where seriously arguing about? Well, good thing it’s come to fruition.

  17. hahah this was nice you two… i was kinda curious of what you guys were talking about with skits and all… i love how danzo was so frustrated…*i bet he wishes sai never left with yamato and anko*

  18. Thanks everybody! Yeah, we got another skit coming up for you’ll next week! 😀

  19. lol

  20. gr8888888888

  21. Hopefully the next page would be titled “danzo’s secret: part 3″ and not ” ‘danzo’s secret’ part 3″

  22. LOL Way to go guys. Keep up the awesomeness ^_^

  23. LOL nice!

  24. wtf totalitarian???? I BLAME SUPER!! (and jeremiah)

  25. @ mud – explanation coming soon – we only do real situations from the manga so the ino-sai may be hard to accomplish. we’ll try though 😀

  26. So that’s what it feels like to be inside the head of an insane person… huh… kinda squishy…

    Entertaining… I like it.

  27. @super and reflex: So, who writes this and who edits it? how do you guys work it between yourselves?

  28. @Mudshovel: Hmmmmm…..

    I wrote the first half of Part 1 and Reflex wrote the second half. We both edited it all together.

    Reflex wrote most of part two and I added some extra…the beginning and ending. We both edited it all together. Voila! 😀

  29. @super: Nice was wondering how the hell you’d work it, coolbeans, keep up the good work

  30. Cool lol

  31. @ mud – coolbeans????

  32. it’s a line form a movie ‘hotrods’ – i assume thats where the fella with that name as a profile got it as well. Coolbeans = awesome (somewhat)

  33. **from

  34. A truly mind-bending experience! It’s too bad that when it airs in america (F*CK YOU CARTOON NETWORK!) That they’ll edit most of it out. We’ll see danzo say that he’s off to do “that” thing… next scene, memorial for Danzo… Konoha’s hero, and also maybe a luncheon for the 75-150 dead members of root!

  35. prawlkage…. WTF???? lmao

  36. That picture of danzo at the top is HILARIOUS

  37. Lol. just lol.

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