Bleach for Dummies, Vol. 4

cover-volume-4

Quincy Archer Hates You

Moving ahead to volume 4, when we finish this one we’ll be 10% of the way home kids, wasn’t that easy?  I’m gonna stop these summaries where Jeremiah picks up the chapter reviews, so our target doesn’t keep moving.

This volume introduces two new characters, and there is a return of old Hat n’ Clogs (Kisuke Urahara).

Don Kanonji (BO HA HA HA HA!!!) makes an entrance and makes an ass out of himself.  And then comes back.  This guy.  This slime…I’m afraid there’s a lot more to him.  I wanted him to be some kind of throw away comedic character, but I don’t think so.

Last chapter brings along the Quincy Archer (Uryuu Ishida) of the volume title.  Can I just say…why the f#ck do the stupid head translators at Viz Media or whoever the hell is to blame, change the names?!  Never, never change the names.  Duh.  Maito Gai = Might Guy.  Ishida = Quincy.  Riatsu = Soul Energy.  No it doesn’t, bitches.  Tite picked the name, freakin’ leave it alone.  You want people to recognize the english meaning of the names/words, put it in a note on the side.  Quit.  Messin’.   You give me the dumb.  >.<

26:  Paradise is Nowhere

PUKE alert:  Kon's wetdream gets bubbles, too bad the little girl is just too little.

PUKE alert: Kon's wetdream gets bubbles, too bad the little girl is just too little.

This is the Pedo Bear’s (Kon’s) big chapter.  This stops the bleeding from the last episode with a bit of an omake chapter.  Kon gets upset about being tossed around and having to deal with surly Ichigo.  He runs off in search of some boobs to take him home and take a bath with him.  He lays a trap for Orihime without success.  Other girls and still no success…(omg!  one of the girls asked another of the girls to get a room with her?  LMAO.  A little weird, but it satisfies my inner perv).  CHAD!  (Yay, Chad’s back!)  Boo, he chases the bear (cause he loves the cute).  Yuzu finds the bear, gives him a bath (O.O) without getting in (pervs), but I sweated for her for a sec.  So did Kon.  Of course, what afternoon of bear fun would be complete without a little dress up and flowers glued to the ear?  He runs back to Ichigo and promises never to run away again.

27:  Spirits AREN’T Always With Us

Kanonji, you have to laugh...except why does Ichigo react so strongly at first?  (Words in black borders are Ichigo's)

Kanonji, you have to laugh...except why does Ichigo react so strongly at first? (Words in black borders are Ichigo's)

A set up chapter, so no action, a little comedy and the introduction of a new character:  Don Kanonji TV’s most popular spiritualism medium and sheister.  He’s got everyone tuning in to see him roust spirits on location.  Dad and Yuzu cheer at home while Karin and Ichigo grumble.  Everyone at school watches, except Rukia and Ichigo. Everyone, simply everyone, is turning out to see Kanonji do his stuff in their own town next week, dahlink, you simply must come.  Even Rukia agrees to go.  And the gang all shows to the abandoned hospital…ready for the show.  Rukia explains that if there’s a ghost it’s a jibaku (OMG!  they used some actual Japanese!), fixed to a specific location.

28:  Symptom of Synesthesia

How to be a babe magnet.  Keigo would do better with a puppy than this guy as wingman.

How to be a babe magnet. Keigo would do better with a puppy than this guy as wingman.

Keigo and Mizuiro open with a little comic relief–picking up on chicks.  Mizuiro plays the cute card by acting embarrassed (the last extra drawing at the end of the chapter shows it was all an act).  Merciless little troll…I love him.  Chad is hearing a weird scream that Keigo can’t hear.  Ichigo hears it and Rukia explains it is a whole soul (the jibaku) becoming hollow, but that the process takes a long time.  She convinces Ichigo there will be plenty of time to deal with the jibaku before it actually loses the chain flap over its heart.

Karin hears the scream and feels sick.  Dad and Yuzu don’t.  Then…Tatsuki and Orihime hear it.  Interesting.  I have been around Bleach fans long enough to know that that means something, so it’s not really fair to comment.  Plus I know these characters are still talked about…so that kinda chipped my carbonite.  But if I hadn’t been exposed to so many spoilers, I’d definitely be curious.

Ow...oww...dammit.  Something tells me a licensed piercing place wouldn't do it this way...

Ow...oww...dammit. Something tells me a licensed piercing place wouldn't do it this way...

Rukia explains that dead souls stay chained when they have regrets.  Regrets about people turn lead to possession by tsuki spirits; regrets about places get them chained to that place.  This hospital ghost is possessive of the hospital because it was supposed to be his inheritance.   Can’t take it with you dude, but it is taking you, inn’t it?

Bonzai!  Look out below!  He's just as creepy from this angle.

Bonzai! Look out below! He's just as creepy from this angle.

Kanonji paratroops in (and that’s not an exaggeration) and winds up the audience…SMELLS LIKE MEAN SPIRIT.   And sticks his cane in the half-hollow hole growing in the ghost’s chest just as Rukia says there’s no rush as long as no one…yeah…irritates the hole.  Whups.  And now we have story.

29:  Stop That, Stupid!!

Kanonji, sweetie, you can't move in that fast.  You have to build up to it.  And...dude...seriously, get some riatsuglide.  You'll thank me later.

Kanonji, sweetie, you can't move in that fast. You have to build up to it. And...dude...seriously, get some riatsuglide. You'll thank me later.

Kanonji’s ghost meddling drives Karin close to a break down and Ichigo (dishonor!) becomes a heckling stage diver.  Horror!  Dishonor on you, dishonor on your town, your school and anyone who knows you.  (Quick, cut to commercial, next time we’ll have to run half-time on an 8 second delay).  His friends gasp.  Security holds him back.  Rukia comes to whap his soul out of him, but gets held back too…and Kanonji just keep widening the hole in the whole.  Eeee….whatever shall we do?  Heh heh.  This had to be my favorite moment in this volume.

OHHHHHH....Hell's bells...Kanonji's about to score...

OHHHHHH....Hell's bells...Kanonji's about to score...

A cane extends (and you think it might be Kanonji about to finish off the jibaku and make a hollow).  Turn the page and the cane, with the seal on the end, knocks Ichigo out of his meat puppet.  Hat and Clogs (Kisuke Urahara) I think I love you.  Still more to him that meets the eye, huh?  Delicious.  Rukia asks if he’s up to something crooked…hmm.  Trickster.  You have be careful with them, they tend to be loyal to their own purposes, and they tend to be beyond comprehension most of the time.   Still not kissing him…but I might be slow to say no.

Is that the calvary?  For real?  Yep.  Pucker up, bay-bay.

Is that the calvary? For real? Yep. Pucker up, bay-bay.

Shinigami Ichigo grapples with Kanonji, but can’t stop him in time.  The medium can actually see him, so he’s not a complete fraud.  The ghost poofs and Kisuke looks deadly serious.

Hmm...and why am I hearing dirty Harry in my head?  "You gotta ask yourself..."  That guy can mess things up, no doubt.  Trickster-god.

Hmm...and why am I hearing dirty Harry in my head? "You gotta ask yourself..." That guy can mess things up, no doubt. Trickster-god.

30:  Second Contact (it was beyond the scope of our understanding)

"If I look enough like a dumbass, I'll seem harmless.  Feel me?  uh...smell me?"

"If I look enough like a dumbass, I'll seem harmless. Feel me? uh...smell me?"

The whole breaks its chains, Rukia explains it could come back as a hollow nearly anywhere.  She pulls out the Nokia, and seems to imply that the jubaki’s attachment to the hospital would…and it does appear on the roof and seems about to pounce down.  Ichigo tries to explain about hollows to the comedic assery that is Kanonji, and the medium appears to want to play the hero.  Tell Ichigo to run, that he can’t.  Hmm…could be to save face, could also be that Kanonji has riatsu to rival Ichigo’s, so staying close to him is the best way to remain unrevealed to those in the know.

Official translation on this, more along the lines of, what ya gonna do now, kid?

Official translation on this, more along the lines of, what ya gonna do now, kid?

Ichigo’s friends and Karin look on, almost able to see him (and the hollow).  Some see more than others.  Urahara ends the chapter…revealing himself fully at last as a classic trickster-god character.  There’s a hell of a lot more power in that guy than the scruff shows, and he’s going to show that hand only when it suits his purposes.  Good luck figuring out his purposes, because there’s no guarantee they’ll ever make sense.

31:  HEROES CAN SAVE YOU

Get me a blonde wig and call me dumbass, but I think this is the first time we've seen an honest reaction out of this guy.

Get me a blonde wig and call me dumbass, but I think this is the first time we've seen an honest reaction out of this guy.

Ichigo pulls Kanonji inside the hospital, explaining that the hollow will chase them; by leaving the crowd behind they keep the innocent safe. 

That's one toxic lugie right there.  Hope it doesn't drip.

That's one toxic lugie right there. Hope it doesn't drip.

Kanonji explains that he has a responsibility to his hero worshipping fans and can’t show weakness.  Hmm.  It’s interesting he sends Ichigo a compliment or two to keep him talking when the hollow is bearing down on them. If you think he’s comic relief, you can just say he’s retarded.  But I’ve read the next chapters.  Something’s up.

Ichigo ends up with that giant zanpakuto stuck in the ceiling and his hands glued to the pommel with something like snot.

Must be ectoplasm…where is Dr. Venkman when you need him?

And Kanonji makes himself look heroic by running at the hollow alone.  You see how I said that?  I said look like.  Smells like MEAN SET UP to me…

Wait a minute...if he doesn't know what a hollow is...and he's a dumbass...how does this work?

Wait a minute...if he doesn't know what a hollow is...and he's a dumbass...how does this work?

The staff in the hollow’s mouth, really?  When a second ago he didn’t seem to know what one was? and didn’t seem to be able to see it all that way?  It can’t be an accident that staff looks a lot like Urahara’s and we’ve seen the trickster is a lot more than he seems.  Kanonji sends some kind of tiny magic, ahem, sphere (go on about balls, as you like…) to free the zanpakuto.  Also an interesting talent, looks a helluva lot like shinigami-style skills than ignorant medium stuff.  This is suspicious as hell.  Couple that with Urahara (who just showed a strong hand for being a playa) standing outside, watching intently and you have the warning bells in my head ringing so loud they’re starting to crack like my youthful idealism.

Worse still, Kanonji’s apparent bravery and heroism…saving Ichigo…sets him up as a freeky but good guy in Strawberry’s mind.  An unwanted friend who he is completely indebted to…but maybe I’m really too suspicious.  But this is too weird and stinks like week old fish.

32:  A Hero is Always With Me?

Notice this:  Kanonji makes an entrance just as Ichigo's getting the upper hand.  The hollow turns and IMMEDIATELY swings for Kanonji.  This isn't a lightweight medium, this guy's got TASTY riatsu.

Notice this: Kanonji makes an entrance just as Ichigo's getting the upper hand. The hollow turns and IMMEDIATELY swings for Kanonji. This isn't a lightweight medium, this guy's got TASTY riatsu.

Ichigo and the hollow bust out of the wall and fight on the roof.  Kanonji recovers enough to shout for the cameras and call for a commercial.  He scuttles, like a spider, to the roof and makes a grand entrance.  “Sorry to keep you waiting, Boy!!!”  Then less than a page later his knees shake because he is too weak to do anything.  Hmm.  There are layers of bad perfomance art going on here, and I don’t think its ridiculous comdic relief. Action, action, action.  Bigass sword fu, and Ichigo cleans the hollow’s clock, er, soul. 

Why does this feel like a contract with the devil?

Why does this feel like a contract with the devil?

Kanonji seems sincere about his realization that more had been going on that he imagined, about the fact that he had made the hollow.  But, we’ve seen him try on several faces so far…is this just another act?  Sigh.  You’re probably going to beat me up for this…you vets…probably going to fall on your butts laughing about my wrongitude and conspiracy theories…but this guy’s like a $30 bill from start to finish.  I need some evidence to turn him to harmless comic relief, but I felt my stomach drop when he shakes Ichigo’s hand at the end of this chapter…like they just made some kind of irrevocable deal.  And if was just the handshake, I’d probably just shrug it off, but this panel only confirmed my jitters.

Official translation is disciple instead of pupil.

Official translation is disciple instead of pupil.

33:  ROCKIN’ FUTURE 7

Mr. Kagine (looks to be the overmuscled, underbrained phys ed teach) rounds up Ichigo, Rukia, Chad and their friends for creating a stir on national television.  You remember, dishonor, dishonor on you, dishonor on your school…yeah.  They’re in trouble for being loud in public, drawing scrutiny to the school.  Comic relief ensues as they escape, and it turns out the principal found the tape amusing.

Oof.  She's like cotton candy on a toothache.  This is what her face looks like guys, in case you hadn't noticed.

Oof. She's like cotton candy on a toothache. This is what her face looks like guys, in case you hadn't noticed.

Ichigo’s friends start to realize that they saw things, heard things that night…something is up with Ichigo and they’re all dealing with it in their own way.

"...we hope you will enjoy the show..."

"...we hope you will enjoy the show..."

Kanonji comes by looking like a reject off the Sergeant Pepper’s Lonelyheart’s Club Band album cover.  He wants to hang out with Ichigo.  Rukia’s Nokia goes off and they just escape…they pass an interesting looking person…haughty, like Sasuke in glasses and more mainstream coolhairTM.  And he can see shinigami Ichigo.  Hmm.  Reader senses tingling…but maybe that’s something else.  Rawr…

34:  Quincy Archer Hates You

En-taI-tl-mehnt:  my sh!t don't stink, but yours is rank as hell.

En-taI-tl-mehnt: my sh!t don't stink, but yours is rank as hell.

The misfire on the Nokia continues and this one is a comedy set up of the introduction to Uryuu Ishida (Quincy Archer, for those of you reading the dumb official version like me). 

We get some more character development on Ichigo, who turns out to be a closet scholar.  His friends bust his chops, and he tells them it’s just easier that way.  He looks different enough, and people are stupid enough to judge him from the outside and think the worst.  So it was always just easier to do well in school and keep people off his case.  Ichigo’s singing my song…sh…I’m listening.

The misfiring Nokia maked Ichigo cranky and Rukia tries to get answers…from Urahara.  Heh.  Interesting.  Yet, he’s MIA…probably had a panel van appointment.

Ishida finally reveals himself to Ichigo and Rukia, arrogant and yet with some reason.  He uses a bow to take down hollows and my little fan girl heart flutters.  EEEE.  He’ll probably end up a complete douchebag like Sasuke, but for now I kind of like that arrogant confidence, and like the fact that Ichigo finally has some competition.  Wish it could have been Rukia.

So that’s it, we’re over 10% home.  Woot!  Hang in there noobs, we’re making progress.  I’m looking forward to the next one.  I made some bold statements this time, and bold predictions…hope I’m not sounding insane to the veterans.  Until next time and volume 5…

Ja mata,

-Ibi

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~ by 千手 鼾弟子 Ibiki Teishi on February 2, 2009.

19 Responses to “Bleach for Dummies, Vol. 4”

  1. FIRST! 😄

    Great review as always Ibiki!!!

  2. gah missed…second

  3. THIRD!!!!!!!!!!!!

  4. yay! first time i’ve been in the top three. Once again. I can’t wait to get your impression of the key scenes and character developments later

  5. oh c;mon…elasyticated ninja, i’m pretty sure you’ve been in the top three at LEAST once!

  6. Ishida ROCKS !!!!! especially in the… you know… (glances around at the other people who are up to date.) you know… THAT bit, where he gets better.

  7. *slaps elastivatedninja on the wrist*
    No SPOILERS!

  8. Ibiki insightful as always. However its hard to comment on your observations this time around without commenting on the direction that the characters have taken since then.

  9. Xth

  10. Just to tell you that my daughter likes kiske too. I was really surprised at that since hes an old guy.

  11. It looks more like Tessi is Don Kanonji. he can even use kido without any kanji at all, and at the right strength to get the job done without overdoing it. And the faces, size etc are similar to Tessi Urahara’s shopkeeper.

  12. hey ikibi you forgot about the laugh this guy does…bwahahahahah….

    since your doing this i might as well start back at the beginning and go over anything i might have missed…

  13. Kisuke Urahara is Snufkin. Wait WTF? Quicny vs. Shinigami the great battle wahuahahah.

  14. Urahara is my third favourite character in Bleach. I just think he’s awesome. I can’t talk much about my favourite points as they will indicate his character’s direction in the future. Suffice to say that i think he’s fucking brilliant.

    Chad though! Man, Chad is incredible. I think he’d beat the shit out of Ishida in the manga’s which are up to date, but you know, loads of people disagree.

    *Puts on full body armour in preperation for Harshy’s punishment for more spoilers and future talk.*

  15. Thanks again Ibiki for doing this, as with Naruto I wandered into Bleach somewhere in the middle so I appreciate your reviews.

    And Urahara’s my number one favorite character in all of Bleach. Truly wobble-inducing. I agree with elasticatedninja – Urahara’s f*cking brilliant, among other things…

  16. @lovesrainscent: Wow! someone who agrees with me! Although as a guy, my affections for him end at his humor and combative ability, unlike SOME people out there. (You know who you are). He is the cavalry, he almost always steps in when trouble starts, and although he appears dubious, as in this volume, he normally ends up doing enough good to keep me on his side.

    I really can’t wait for you all to catch up to the good bits. I think they actually start next volume. POST IT FASTER IBI!!!!!

  17. lol…now you sound like ma’ pimp. Just for you elasticated…I’ll get a new one up tonight. 😀

  18. @ Ibiki – great post, I am in total agreement with you regarding translated names… what bullsh*t!

    Why not just call Goku “Bill” or Luffy could be “Timmy”,
    Or Great Mazinga could be Tranzor Z… oh wait, they did do that

    I bet most of you don’t remember Tranzor Z (EArly 80’s cartoon, Prawl shows his age yet again)

  19. @prawlkage: I know, right? Bob Strawberry. That should be Ichigo’s name…just right for the official North American release. tee hee hee.

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