Danzo/Kaiza Theory CONTEST Winners, Almost

OK, this was hard to judge, and I wanted to write all 12 entrants a fic, but I just don’t have the ability and time.  As it is, this took me so long to get to this my volunteer judges evaporated.  So, I did get some help from onsite user kyouto (outlaw), who sent me a great analysis of the entrants and off-site person Nekodesu.  Neko doesn’t use the site, but she’s a Narutard like the rest of you.  I wanted to include off-site readers so the crack up posts would be funny to everyone, not just full of “in crowd” jokes.  Although, since there were two of us who read the site, I think we may have fallen into that tendency anyway.

Click HERE to read the original post.


There were two categories:  complete crack that made no sense but explained the picture (entries from 9tailedsage, Lastscorpion, Alec, and harshytkage rounded out the field) and a theory that fit well with the rest of the manga (entries from Elfarren, Jeremiah, Renzy, Jayden, real, EroSennin, Lastscorpion, and Tomreishi).  Some of those may have been crack, too, but they were different enough in character that I could justify sorting the entries along those lines.

Thanks to everyone for working up your stuff and playing along when we were all so starved for manga entertainment.  Again, I wish I could write something for all of you, but I just can’t manage it.

So, that being said, the judges were split three ways to Sunday on the more serious theories.  Elfarren, Jeremiah and EroSennin all recieved votes.  I’m tossing in Jayden’s theory because, although it didn’t go on and on, it was unique among entries–and I know it was good because lastscorp echoed the same idea in a later comment.  Since the judges were split, I’m going to boil down the theories into a sentence and let the mass of awesomeness readers decide.  One vote per person, vote for the most believable theory to explain the picture above.  I will announce the winner (close the poll) on Thursday morning (by noon, January 29th).  Remember, this is about believability, not the funny.

Results for the believable theory:

  • Jeremiah:   35%
  • Elfarren:  24%
  • Jayden:  23%
  • EroSennin:  18%

UPDATE:  I’ve been thinking about this a lot.  Jeremiah’s being a hard ass on himself and pulling out (didn’t you learn in health that that doesn’t do any good anyway?).  He’s entitle to, but he won fair and square. 

Also, I am ultimately a believer in a just world.  So if I have to write a couple extra fics, so be it.  It’s just going to take me longer to deliver all the prizes. 

I will write each of these finalists a fic, part in apology for this public theory off, which they did not necessarily sign up for. 

OK, so each of you on that list above me needs to send me a plot bunny of your choice.  I will write it up in a style of your choosing. 

E-mail me the idea to the address below, it can be serious or crack, but this time is has to stay in line with proper manga plot and characters. 

Feel free to collect your prize or not.  If I haven’t heard from you by the end of February, I’m going to assume you won’t be collecting.  Thanks again for all the fun when the manga was dark!  You all are the best!!  Congratulations!!

The crack entries were all over the map.  I have to applaud Alec for writing a theory that was more about Sarutobi in a Danzo theory contest…it was sheer and unadulterated genius, and I’m sorry you ran out of time.  I have to applaud Harshy T for spewing out some complete, and udder (yeah, I intentionally spelled it that way) insanity.  We are Kaidozo?  WTF?!  You, my friend, have a unique perspective on the world and I think I laugh more having met you on this site.  Thanks for your craziness.  =)

The judges were actually split between 9tailedsage’s trangender x-nin association/brothel that marks the secret society member’s chins with an “X” and Lastscorpion’s Awesomeness Swayze riff.  I have to say, I like both entries a lot, but have to come down on the side of Lastscorp as he tailored his entry to his audience on top of being messed up and funny.  So Lastscorp runs away with the win and 9tailedsage gets a runner up.  I’ll write you both a crack-fic in the style of your choosing and post it to awesomeness.

E-mail me at ibikiteishi@gmail.com to claim your prize.  Basically, I’m looking for a prompt.  It could be as basic as character, situation and setting (what if Tsunade ravaged Iruka on her desk?!).  There are examples of some plot bunnies here, feel free to use one of those if you are having trouble working one up on your own.  For the crack entries, I want crack fics–that means ridiculous, side-splitting, crazy bunnies.


~ by 千手 鼾弟子 Ibiki Teishi on January 25, 2009.

34 Responses to “Danzo/Kaiza Theory CONTEST Winners, Almost”

  1. First!

  2. second!

    I’ve never gotten first, even on my own site >_<

  3. 3rd!!!! My 1st podium. Great contest makes me wonder if there is a link.

  4. fourth -_-… haha, ibi i was going to write the second part on danzo’s flight and years wandering the ninja world but hten i decided it would be too long and danzo’s a complete douche so he doesn’t deserve so much of my time..

  5. @EroSennin: thanks for the chivalry. ^.^

    @Jeremiah: next time I’ll give you a heads up, because that just ain’t right.

    @grimmjow: sorry you missed the contest, it was great fun.

    @Alec: i have to agree with you, i’m really hoping nobody saddles me with a Danzo fic now, ’cause I really don’t want to climb into his head. It probably reeks of vinegar in there.

  6. I have to agree with you that Lastscorpion tore it up with the crack fic category LMAO The ghost of the Swayze …

  7. Looking forward to reading your cradk-fics.

  8. make that crack-fics

  9. @ Grimmjowfan – Click HERE to read the original post.

  10. I planned to make one, but it was late into it and the others had already made me die laughing. seriously harshytkage, WTF? lol

  11. Rigged, no it was just my bad placement. I wonder which one will win. I’m rooting for the two with the least contradictions.

  12. Rigged, no it was just my bad placement. I wonder which one will win. I’m rooting for the two with the least contradictions.

  13. Hey, Kyouto, you’re welcome to put down some of that analysis here. I can’t, because I have to present an objective post, but you’re free to voice your opinion here, you know…
    explain it the way you explained it to me. ^.^

  14. Where’s the most obvious theory: Danzo is just Danzo and no one else. The guy is creepy but that’s just how he is.

  15. @Nighthawk00 The idea was to purposely create a connection that worked for a story Ibiki could write.

    Thank You Ibiki. Here is a little retype.

    The theory for Danzo and Kaizo as father/son is the most believable with the theory of Danzo as his uncle surpassing as a close second but weakened because it required the invention of an additional character. The theories of the two as twin brothers is left behind due to age difference. Danzo is 72, Kaizo is 30. Though its possible to have a brother in that amount of time the fact Danzo is old enough to match two of Kaizo should be noted. Also, if Danzo is that age its assumed that his mother would likely be even older. Once again though its possible it starts to become a stretch.

    Although moving back even further, when Tobi was talking about the village elders and their plan to eliminate the Uchiha by using Itachi, its shown that Danzo still had the same appearance he does now with a bandaged eye and missing arm. Sasuke was 7 when Itachi went Coup De Annihilation on the clan with Mandara (Tobi). Kaizo was killed 3 years before Team 7 arrived in the Land of Waves. Sasuke was 12 at the time and 13 at the latest. By subtracting three years from both Sasuke would be ages 9 and 10. Jeremiah’s theory states Danzo destroyed his eye and arm after finding out about Kaizo’s death. This is contradiction because of the image. Danzo was injured beforehand two to three year before Kaizo was killed by Gato. If chapters 399 (Page 15) and 398 (Page 4) are accurate then the theory is dismissed. Chapter 399 is listed first for in context information. The same situation applies to Ero Senin’s theory because Danzo was in the same position as leader of the village years ago when the Kyuubi first attacked. Danzo supposedly still had the same injuries, however because Ero Senin’s post does not directly address it in the post it becomes vague and his theory is more believable. If it is stated then it falls to the same problem as Jeremiah’s about injury timing. However, if my own thoughts on the image are wrong then Jeremiah’s theory takes the lead.

    I maybe over thinking, anyway for me the most believable is Ero Senin theory on Danzo being Kaizo’s uncle. Last Scorpions theory about the two being tortured is also believable, but I don’t know where to go with it. By all means it trumps the other theories, however that is also because it is vague and to the point. No elaboration means it might as well be true. The theory is situation based meaning it could have happened at a random time and in any place.

    Jeremiah has the most believable with Ero Senin as the runner up. If anything ultimately disproves Jeremiah’s then it immediately passes to Ero Senin. Last Scorpian’s theory of the torture crosses mentioned as believable but left out because it is treated as a statement which makes it hard to prove or disprove.

  16. @Kyouto, and everyone: Thanks for all the positive feedback. I can’t believe I’m in a running with those two, I am honored.

    I had planned the injuries to come from the farmhouse distruction, but in my haste and indecision (I was offshore at the time), I left it vague. But, it really should have been addressed whether it happened: at farmhouse, in trying to get to the village after farmhouse, or in a battle to kill the infant against the 3rd (where the third removed an arm to stop a Danzo jutsu, or to stop him from bringing a sword down on the infant). Alas, I am no writer, and couldn’t decide.

    Well, I am leaving again for another couple weeks, hopefully they’ll have internet for 3rd party hands (me), or maybe I’ll have some cell service. If they don’t, I’ll type at you soon.

  17. Kyouto, thanks for that.

    See, this is why I had to put it up for a vote, because it seemed to me that the best ‘most believable’ was EroSennin’s (Danzo is Kaiza’s uncle) with Jayden’s (POW) as the runner up. And again, that mainly came down to the timing of the injuries thing–I think Jeremiah’s (Danzo is Kaiza’s dad) is really good (and on an emotional level, I’d kinda like to write him a story), but after you pointed out the timing problem my vote shifted solidly to EroSennin.

    Elfarren’s twin brother argument is also intriguing and well done, but the timing does seem to contradict the canon age difference–and the third judge liked that one the best, which further snarled our search for a winner.

    The POW story is good, but not as well developed if you read the actual entry. So although it seems plausible, it’s not my top pick if there are more developed theories that work. It’s easy to come up with a non-contradictory theory that only contains a single thought. It’s a lot harder to do what Elfarren, Jeremiah and EroSennin did.

    My two cents, FWIW.

    EroSennin: hope they’re good to you; travel safely, and I’ll miss you if they’re stingy. >.<

  18. Enjoy the springtime youth!… Yay! I sound like the person who had the best crack high…I will stay awake all night thinking of plot bunnies, since I have to make sure my walls wont try and kill me in my sleep. (<_<)

  19. Kyoto – you are right, my timeline doesn’t match up. I was so concerned about keeping with the spirit of the characters that I didn’t think of the timeline glitch in the 5 minutes it took me to pound that out.

    I say that Lastscorpion is the winner ^_^ because the walls really are trying to kill him in his sleep.

  20. when i first read lastscorpion, i kew i had lost if i wrote something believeable and funny(unlike me) so i trashed the idea and decided to write something that would actually spell H-A-R-S-H-Y-T-K-A-G-E, hence, Kudos to lastscorpion(pssst….the bunnies are out to get you….and this time you wont escape their ultimate weapon, CARROT SOUP!

  21. Though I officially withdraw my entry from consideration due to time line glitches, I would like to add that spot placement is irrelevant. After doing nearly 100 of these polls I’ve noted no pattern at all. Look at this weeks question about Naruto’s next offensive as a perfect example.

  22. i never entered hoping to make it believeable…so i won’t withdraw my entry…

  23. well obaasan so who won O.O anyhoo! i lost your email please gimme it again! and i really did like teh transgendered story XD it pwned!

  24. Yeah for the believeable factor contest, I did not know that Jayden had a POW thing and It was more of a passing idea for me then a full story, I did not think it was a entry lmao. I did spend more then two seconds on the crack post, as you can tell.

    P.S @Ibi… I hope you enjoy one of the most crazy emails I have ever sent.

  25. @Jeremiah: please don’t withdraw. All the theories have a flaw in them, and I think that has made the judging task really hard. And the flaws don’t lesson the good work put into all of them.

    The finalists are also ALL really good in some way, which is also why this is hard.

    I’m fond of yours because you did spend time motivating the theory with character, and that gives it a kind of merit that kind of works beyond the timelines. EroSennin did some cool things with character, too, and I think that’s why I was drawn to both of your entries in particular.

    Sigh. In a just world, I would call this a draw and write 4 fics for all you finalists (notice I still included you there…). But my schedule is an unjust master.

    And placement can have *some* (minmal) effects, but I doubt it in this case. I think the thought that they might be father and son, and your work on character are resonating with the readers.

  26. going to sleep….bye guys.


  27. Neko, it’s good to see you. My e-mail is: ibikiteishi@gmail.com and I’ve got dish for you, girl, so drop me a line for the latest gossip.

    @lastscorp: wandering off to check my e-mail right now. =)

  28. night Harshy, make sure you put on your kwala repellent they love to attack your feet at night <_<. I am in a crazy mood right now…

  29. Lastscorp: yeah…it was all those bunnies! DAMN! You know, it’s not good to handle those extreme bunnies when they’re high, unless you put on some rubber gloves first. I recommend some detox and some nice, ambient music. These people are going to laugh themselves silly!!!!!!

  30. @ Ibiki: You know, I didn’t even think about the age difference issue until well after the contest was over *L* My vote goes to EroSennin for thinking up the Uncle/Nephew relationship first, or I would have tweaked mine to reflect that ^_^

  31. @ Ibi – I really do agree with Kyouto that the timeline glitch scews my whole story up. You should know that I am a huge stickler for the believable fan fics as I’ve argued on your site in length about staying true to manga while writing fan fic.

    I stand by my withdrawal and hope to amend the story in the future to fit the manga at which time I’ll send it to you or put it in the comments section of the plot bunny.


  32. I went back and reread the theory by Last Scorpion. I was wrong its a little clearer than I remember. It states Danzo and Kaizo were captured as prisoners of war and before escaping marks were left on their chins from the experience. Here is a new analysis.The theory is still situation based, however something to think about is the shinobe capable of actually defeating Danzo. He is an elder of the village with the same respect of the Hokage. Danzo even challenged the third Hokage Sarutobi for the position. Though he lost it is noted that he is at least at that great of a skill level. In addition in order for that scar to appear both he and Kaizo would have to be in a position where they were unable to make any other moves. Danzo is very efficient, with the way he attacked the toad messenger it wasn’t a kill, it was an assassination. Moving also there are also the Anbu, and for Danzo specifically he is the leader of Root. In the scenario of his disappearance, capture, and endangerment a shinobe would need to get them as well. That is the stretch for this theory.

    Anyway the revision seems more accurate. To the people withdrawing I’ll say its fine if you want to, and it does seem noble. However at the same time by doing so you take away from the victor. The person who wins has losses a little bit of their claim because competition went a different path. It feels better to win against the odds then when the opponent leaves. Though I guess it also goes with the situation your in. However, everyone may not feel that way.

  33. Last call….I’m going to take it down at noon, Awesomeness time. Vote away friends…

  34. RESULTS are in and updated above.

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