Kunoichi Top Ten

Hello, my name is IbikiTeishi(aka Mollie) and I are a Narutard.  There’s really no hope for me, you should run away screaming now.  I write fanfiction to hone my writing skills and in the process have become a hopeless case.  Jeremiah asked me to share some words with you every once and a while, so here I am.

Jeremiah and I have both complained that Kishimoto-san seems absolutely unable to write a decent female character.  Maybe it’s mommy issues, maybe the thought of a competent woman makes his wee-wee shrink. I’m not so sure, but I came up with a list of kickass ways he could remedy the problem at some point in the next manga arc–as Pain invades Konoha.  (Hey, if we even get one of these I’m gonna squeal like a fangirl.  Sadly, I don’t think this is the way Kishi rolls.)

Guve Us a Kiss

Ima Kill U

1.  Sakura takes down an aspect of Pain single-handedly AND gets credit for it. (That last part isn’t gonna happen, although I’m betting on the first.)

2.  Tsunade gets in a wrassling match with Utatane Koharu (the pinch-faced female elder) and disembowels her with a perfectly manicured nail.  Mrowr.  Hiss.

3.  Hinata rescues Neji from certain death, and then puts HIM in the hospital when he can’t manage to thank her.

4.  Ten Ten versus Konan—metal weapons and paper shredding fu.  Need I say more?  Scissors always beats paper.

5.  Kurenai does not hide from the battle, despite being gravid (uh, that means pregnant you pervs) and awkward.  She’s fighting for two now—so it would be cool to see her get scary, mother bear fierce.

6.  Ino seduces Human Realm with her kunoichi wiles, castrates him when he’s at his weakest and takes his robe—to cover up her midriff, I mean, really.

7.  Yoshino (Shikamaru’s mom), gives Danzo a piece of her mind–until he puts out his other eye and repents for smashing the frog.  She grounds him, makes him send another frog and pay for his damages—just like any hardass mom.

8.  Ayame dumps the soup base for Ichiraku’s new menu (tsukemen where the noodles are dipped in the soup—usually served cold) in the street and slows down Pain’s attack as two or three aspects slip and slide through the streets.  I’m hoping it takes out Demon Realm, because—srsly, laser beams in da hed?

9.  Shizune rescues Kakashi by knocking out the chakra transmitters in the aspects, leaving God realm quite ungodly and alone.

10.  Sai—oh, wait, Sai is gay a guy, right?  Oops.  Sorry, I had some midriff confusion.  I’m having a hard time coming up with ten women.  Awright—so Shiho wakes up from her fangirl worship of Shikamaru and is able to think enough to solve Jiraiya’s code.  (That was lame.  I should have stayed with Sai.)

Sakura Kills a Big Bug, Manga #421

Sakura Kills a Big Bug, Manga #421

But, what do you think?  Do you prefer the kunoichi to be weak ass bitches?  Or should they be pulling their own weight?  What would Swayze say?

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~ by 千手 鼾弟子 Ibiki Teishi on October 16, 2008.

22 Responses to “Kunoichi Top Ten”

  1. Dude, if any of that comes true I’ll be impressed…

    Or how bout, Kishi falls into a trance and writes that Pain kicks the dude’s asses, the chicks walk in and tell them they shouldn’t leave a woman ninja’s job to a bunch of bitches. They then proceed to kick pain’s ass. Chicks win, but Tsunade dies, and Kishi wakes up from his coma and decides to make Kakashi the hokage .

  2. Swayze would say ” bitch grab a f***ing gun and point and shoot the god d**n thing already” (ohh, i think it was will smith in iribot who said somehting to that effect, crap)

  3. BTW, First!!!!!

  4. i hope Kishi dacides to do some of the things u mentioned…it would be frikin AWESOMENESS!!!!!!!!! 🙂

  5. Hey mollie i am kuzuryu aka kingbernardino and I’ll tell you a secret. I find you adorable. I know, wtf right. Sounds creepy but its true.

    I always thought wtf was or is a sony psp game known as (work time fun).

  6. Alec said: bitch grab a f***ing gun and point and shoot the god d**n thing already” (ohh, i think it was will smith…

    Yes, I think I’m from the Will Smith school myself.

  7. “mother bear fierce” = LOL awesomeness

    LMAO @ #6

    #9 should have read: Shizune rescues Kakashi by knocking out the chakra transmitters in the Swayze region, leaving God realm quite ungodly and alone. ^_^

    #10 – ur right, Sai would have been money.

  8. I’m glad you put up the panel of the giant centi Sakura killed.

    How is it that she just dropped that freakin thing like Swayze does drunkards in Road house and then Iruka sensei (the dude that shit himself) tells her to tend to the injured at the hospital while he tends to his dirty underwear. WTF?!

    Shouldn’t she be front line material by this point?

  9. Jeremiah sed: Shouldn’t she be front line material by this point?

    OMG! LMFAO, I was thinking the same thing. “The girl” killed the centipede. WTF? Don’t you bitches know her name yet? Yeah, next Iruka will ask her to launder the skid mark in his underoos. SRSLY.

  10. sakura sucks…

  11. *Edit* I should really read what I type before clicking submit.

    I like the post but you missed Temari >_<, although Kishimoto-chan made her just as incompetint as all the other females. She has the brains but she is still portrayed as a weak female character. She was able to beat every GIRL, she came across but still lost to shikamaru even if she did technically win.

    P.S Temari uses the wind chakra blades from her fan to blow off God realms robe revealing his lack of manhood. ^_^

  12. Temari kinda showed up Shikamaru twice, once in the Chuunin exams and once by saving his ass in ten seconds with one move after he had been fighting for 10 hours in the story arc where they were trying to get Sasuke back from the sound ninja.

  13. True but in the Chuunin exams they kinda made it look like she lost even though she won. She is the most competint female in naruto but that is not saying much, she still has not done anything too major besides saveing Shikamaru’s ass in that story arc. I also think they made her run sand when garra was defeated (not to sure on that one, could have been that other guy).

  14. Yeah, at least Kankuro got to have his ass kicked by Sasori, where as Temari was left to do shit…

  15. Wait, what about Oro, I mean he bites dudes necks giving them nasty hickeies… wants Saskue’s body (prefered Kimimaro, but he was taken by AIDS) and he spent three years in the body of a chick. Not to mention his favorite color is purple and can’t stop playing with trousrer snakes and albino pythons.

  16. OH, Alec, you make me laugh. Hmm. He, uh, she(?!) was a good candidate for number 10.

    And I didn’t forget Temari, I’m just relatively certain she isn’t going to make an appearance for this battle–I was trying to stick with the townie ladies. Although there are some good points about her up there. And if I got to drink sake with Kishi, I’d poke him in the ribs and tell him in no uncertain terms: ‘needs more Temari.’

  17. If you look at comment number five by Kingbernardino it says something that appears creepy and way out of character for him…

    I talked to him about it today and damn did I miss it. He’s referencing the Wookie Porn post. He’s qouting what the lady says to Chewbacca’s retarded cousin.

    In that context the comment becomes funny rather than creepy. Just thought I’d throw that out there.

  18. it would be nice to see hinata show up neji but who knows. And i really wanna see sakura beat up at least one of Pains bodies

  19. Well no wonder I missed King’s joke, I watched the Wookie Porn post with the sound down–I mean it was the 70’s, the dialog all sucked. Sorry King, missed the joke. *whispers to kingb: really I thought it was a drunk Swayze comment thing and kinda funny anyway.*

  20. @ IbikiTeishi/Mollie…You rock!!! I really would like to see some stronger females in the story as well. Sakura has come a long way, but still gets pulled out of the action and sent to heal people. Granted a very necessary job, but sometimes you need people that can kick ass as well.

  21. I like:

    #1. the first half has a decent chance of happening.
    #2. Woof Woof, Aaooooouuuuuuuuu(wagging tail with exitement).
    #4. good eye’ catching that.
    #5. will definitely not happen, and if it does, imo she would HAVE to lose the baby or else why show her fight at all..
    #6. Yeah now that you mention it, right now Ino is pretty much a waste of the few precious pages of action in the chapter.
    #7. Yoshino probably wont be seen until the last chapters of the manga. But how random would that be.?
    #8. Demon Realm; yeah, like wtf…?
    #9. Not happening unless Shizune is really Chuck Norris in a disguise jutsu; Then all it would take is one swift roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris and the whole manga is over (not to mention our heads exploding from the utter amazement and sheer Chuck Norrisness).
    #10. meh…I personaly think Kishi is gayer for even adding Sai to the story…And about Shiho; Well lets just say she isn’t Chuck Norris in a disguise jutsu.

  22. well i love the post and i would like to see at least one of these happening, of course i mean the realistic ones (1,3 maybe,4,and 9)
    i wouldn’t want all of those to come true because it would look like kishi is trying too hard and it would go against the entire anime’s foundation up to this point, but a legit ass kicking by a female character would be a long awaited relief.
    once again great post now im off to the next.

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