Laws of the Swayze

(Update note: This was originally posted a while back under a different site by me.  Many of the vets of the site already know this post but I wanted to bring it back for the noobs.  If you comment, make sure you sound super pissed off and drunk in the comment… that’s the point.  Gratuitous curse words and improper English are both welcome in this comments section.  And if you can think of any new rules please feel free to put them in the comment section.  Some people had some good ones in the past so if you want to repost those comments then feel free to do so.)

The following was written by a drunken Vietnam vet just before he died from what he called “an over dose of Awesomeness”. 

 If you feel as though your life is lacking in the Awesomeness department then live your life by the laws of the Swayze! These are not rules. The Swayze follows no rules. Rules are for pussies. These are laws mother fucker!

Law number 1: Nobody puts baby in the fuckin corner…No… fuckin… body! (Dirty Dancing)

Law number 2: If someone tries to mess with your shit… not figuratively but literally rip their fucking throat out! (Road House)

Law number 3: The Communists can strike at any moment…even in Montana. So always be ready to kill some Commy bastards. Wolverines! (Red Dawn)

Law number 4: Nothing kills the Swayze! Not even Cancer! When Swayze dies, its cause Swayze wants to! (His Life)

Law number 5: Nobody touches your lady except you! If you die, then you need to get off your lazy ass and come back as a ghost! Then kill the mother fucker trying to bang your wife. Next, even if you have to jump into an ugly black chicks body, you need to make sweet sweet love to your woman one last time to ensure she doesn’t date anyone ever again and dies alone!(Ghost)

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~ by 火影 千手 iareawesomeness on October 14, 2008.

10 Responses to “Laws of the Swayze”

  1. Can I be first on a repost? Yup! Fiiiiiiiiiirst! Eat it. I’m back on top bitches!

    Rule mutha fucking 6: Bono is always mutha fuckin first!

  2. No, Bono, you lost that title, you’ll have to build a streak up first to gain it back…

  3. I dare somebody to fucking try to kill me, I’ll fuckin stab em in the throat with a sautering iron!!

  4. I’ll send you my wife.

  5. LMAO! @ Nighthawk00

    What the hell is that from?

  6. First off, Swayze’s got nothing on Mr.Chuck Norris.

    For instance did you know:

    1. Chuck Norris counted to infinity – twice.
    2. Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
    3. Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
    4. There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
    5. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
    6. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
    7. When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
    8. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
    9. When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn’t get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
    10. When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.

    Oh and if that wasnt enough chuckawesomeness, here’s some more facts you should know about Mr. Norris:

    11. Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
    12. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
    13. If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
    14. Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Chuck Norris is on.
    15. They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but there was a problem– It wouldn’t take shit from anybody.
    16. Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn’t nearly foolish enough to attack him.
    17. There is no such thing as a lesbian, just a woman who has never met Chuck Norris.
    18. When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
    19. Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer – Too bad he never cries.
    20. There are two types of people in the world… people that suck, and Chuck Norris.

    *Chuck Norris Facts Provided by: http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/

  7. But facts are like rules…

    Facts are for pussies, these are laws…

    Much love,
    Patrick Swayze

    Patrick Swayze’s top 3 bad ass motha fuckers
    1. Me (Patrick Swayze)
    2. Captain Planet
    3. Cankage (David Bowie)

  8. Chuck Norris IS Law.

  9. Nu uh

    Walker Texas Ranger upholds the law. So he upholds the Swayze. Which means he is subserviant to the Swayze.

  10. Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.

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