It’s FALL MoFos – Don’t be an Azzhat, Get Yerself Some Gourds!

WARNING – THERE BE DEMON SWEAR WORDS

AND ADULT CONTENT BELOW

…bitches.

Don’t look if you can’t handle it. 

Nope. 

Move on. 

Not for you.

Seriously, fuck off if you can’t handle it.

———————————-

Okay, now that all the self-respecting ‘adults’ have gone, here’s something for all you fuckfaces who enjoy a hearty bit of trucker mouth with your belly laugh.  Put the two together and you have one bigass (O.o) zerbert that would curl the hair in your nose just by the sound.

Unfortunately, what I’m about to bring you is not of my own creation (more’s the goddamn pity, I SO wish I had).  I laughed, I cried–I had to look up the more difficult words like:  “BLAMMO!”  Better than that, it must have taken me  a kajillion e-mails to convince Jeremiah to read it, he’s working so hard to avoid a Rick Roll (that in itself had me LMAO).  So, no, this isn’t a Rick Roll.  Yes, you will laugh.  Yes, there will be swearing and naughty-ness.

The title of this little article is:  It’s Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers and it’s posted to McSweeney’s Neighbors All Have Animal-Themed Mailboxes.  I don’t know who Colin Nissan is (the writer, dumbass or is that dumbass writer? hmm not sure…), but I’d sure like to meet him.   Some of the highlights: 

1. “It’s fall, fuckfaces. You’re either ready to reap this freaky-assed harvest or you’re not.”
2. There’s a nip in the air and my house is full of mutant fucking squash.
3. The next thing I’m going to do is carve one of the longer gourds into a perfect replica of the Mayflower as a shout-out to our Pilgrim forefathers. Then I’m going to do lines of blow off its hull with a hooker. Why? Because it’s not summer, it’s not winter, and it’s not spring.

Want to read the whole thing?  Hop on over to McSweeney’s and give Colin a little zerbert using THIS fucking link, assholes. (and you know I mean asshole with complete love, don’t you? c’mon, you know I do…er…just don’t hug me.  Blech.  Bitch, get off me…)

^.^ Ja mata,

-Kumori

~ by Kumori 水影 on November 5, 2009.